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breathingunderwater83188
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Name: Ellen
Country: United States
State: Arkansas
Metro: Little Rock
Birthday: 8/31/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: Playing basketball softball my clarinet,
Love to read...........ummmmmmmm getting marinated(ask if you dare)
Expertise: Getting hurt!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Research
Message: message me
AIM:  dixiegurl592
Yahoo:  blondiebaby06_2003
Member Since:
8/31/2005
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| Its so damn hard to love you when you won't let me. You try and avoid me at all cost. You have your little bitches call and threaten me. Why can't you just grow up? But you can't or rather you won't. It hurts me that you don't realize how good you had it. I would have given you the world if you would have let me. But not anymore. You have pushed me away for the last time. I want to stop loving you, BUT I can't. So I am going to keep loving you until I can't love you anymore. Hopefully it comes soon. Good-bye. at least until you grow up. | | |
| I am completely sick and tired of everyone trying to run my life for me. Its not like i can't do it myself. Yeah driving on the ice was a bad idea, and lying about where i was, was also a bad idea. But why can't they look at all the good things that i have done like actually deciding to go to fucking college. For a while i wasn't really sure i wanted to. Now i am somewhat regretting this decision. i should have just gotten a job and settled down in jonesboro away from my controlling family. I am moving out at the end of may. fuck them and their " we know what's best for you." It is complete bullshit. i am sick of it. I can make it on my own and i am goin to show them that. i CAN go to school, work, and live on my own. I can pay for my much needed medicine and i can pay them back for the car and the insurance that goes along with it. I can afford health insurance i just have to get a better paying job besides the asu library. Trust me this job will be short lived. GGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway... That is all i have to say. | | |
| So the ex dating person is back doin to shit he used to do and i am fed up with how i feel about him. I am sick and tired of missing him and shit, not to mention the worry that goes through my mind for him...I suppose that i should just forget him but its not that easy because he is a friend and unfortunately for me, i am a very loyal person. i am trying to get over him but its just not easy. How can i possibly love him after only dating him a week....but i do. I wish i didn't. my life would be a hella lot easier if i didn't....and let me clarify....its not the lovey dovey i want to marry you and have you kids-love. Its more of a friendship love....i hate him yet at the same time i don't....why can't life be more simple. | | |
| Dreams are really weird especially the ones that i have been having. Especially the ones about brian...i know ya'll don't know him but he is my somewhat ex...all we did was date but still, I consider him my ex dating person. The good thing is we are friends. I still see him quite a bit and shit like that, but i had a really vivid dream in which he and i were still not together but there was still an attraction there (in reality i hope there still is one) but anyway i was getting ready to walk out the door of my cousins house and i put my hand on his shoulder and i am still not sure why i did that. Then he did the weirdest most randomest thing that could possibly happen. He told me he loved me, i looked at him and was like what and he repeated it. i then put my head on his shoulder and he just held me. Then i woke up and i was pissed when i woke up because it was such a wonderful dream and i knew it would never happen in real life. I can't tell him about the dream of course, it would freak him out way to much and i still want us to be friends, even if i still like him like that, i would rather us be friends than nothing at all. But this concludes my entry for the day. Oh yeah by the way nathan and i broke up. | | |
| Well the last time i wrote anything i was talking about my cat and nathan...this entry is entirely about nathan. Next weekend nathan is goin camping with his senior class. I don't have a problem with him goin camping...but i do have a problem with him getting wasted like he said he was goin to. The reason i have a problem with this is because a girl in his class told him she thought he was hot. He made the mistake of telling me this and now i am worried that she is going to try something in her and his drunk stupor and then he will positively respond to her advancement. In other words he will end up cheating on me. i Just don't know what to do. So i am sittin here at school about to break down b/c there is no way to tell him that i don't want him to go without sounding like a complete controlling bitch. That is NOT what i am or WHO I WANT TO BE. I dunno i need to talk to cara. this is driving me insane. Anyway i lied this entry is almost all about nathan..the last part andrew is mad at me and i don't know why | | |
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